22:21 Jan 23 2012
Times Read: 675
How dare you. Honestly, how dare you sit there and use that feature the way you want and within the extremely small limits that you are given. You should feel ashamed for not bowing down to the ideals of everyone else and using the feature the way they want you to use it. You should feel guilty for not following the word of everyone else. I hope you’re happy with yourselves. I really hope you are!
[/sarcasm]
Now since I’ve started this entry with sarcasm, let’s get onto what I really want to say!
During a conversation the other day, a question was posed to me. I answered it, but since they are biased to the nth degree I had to practically beat it into her. Heh. So I figured I’d answer it here since it’d be fun in a twisted sort of way.
Why aren’t you on the top?
Because quite simply not very many people like me and I don’t give them very many reasons to do so.
I am an only child. I’ve grown up with not very many peers. I’ve always found myself geared towards the ‘older’ crowd or people who were on a certain levels. I can be a social butterfly in a group of people, but that is only because I don’t have to reveal the inner parts of me, or who I am as a person. The chit chat is always idle and fun, very rarely serious.
I very rarely go out of my way to be nice or to do nice things unless I am in a mood to do so. There have been many times I’ve been taken advantage of. Yes, part of me is jaded because of those experiences. But from those experiences I have learned different things. Some good, some bad, but I still learned. Mostly its taught me that I really don’t like the feeling of being a door mat and used.
I do not go out of my way to message people or make friendly talk. It is not something I’ve ever done, especially online. I really don’t know why I am on a social networking website when I don’t socially network. I find comfort in being alone and not being a bother. When someone sends me a message I do happen to talk. Well, I will if you’re not a wierdo and send me super creepy messages. I tend to stick to those I feel comfortable with, and it has taken me awhile to feel that way towards the ones that I am. I can also be horrible at idle chit chat one on one. It’s never been a strong point for me.
I can be-
Aloof
Cliquish
Snobby
Awkward
Shy
Uninterested
Intolerant
And I am sure the lists of my negatives go on and on.
While I am an emotional person, I can be very cold and closed off. I have no problems with just shutting down emotions and walking away. When I was younger my mother gave me sound advice ‘You cannot save the world’. She was right I cannot. I cannot keep trying to save people when they do not want to be saved and cannot even save themselves. After so many times of putting my hand out and them not taking it, I realize that I need to stop. I cannot keep committing emotional suicide because they cannot stop the cycle that they don’t want to change. There are times to walk away. When it is damaging to me, then I do what I have to do, cutting ties seems to be one of those things that happen the most. Life is very short and some people are not as honest as they appear to be.
People are going to form opinions of me based on what they see, or don’t see for that matter. I am fine with that. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to in the day. As humans we all want some kind of acceptance, but to think that you will get acceptance from everyone is egotistical and delusional. You cannot dictate how people will feel towards you or others. They all have their reasons for feeling what they feel. Just because you see someone as wonderful and cream of the crop, doesn’t mean that everyone else will. I am sure there are numerous people who found faults in Mother Theresa and didn’t like her, no matter what she did for humanity.
So really, I don’t want to be at the top of anything. I just want to be and enjoy things the way they are.
I want people to not like me. I want some people to like me. I want to learn the lessons of life and learn from my mistakes and others. I want to be who I am and deal with the rejection and dislike.
After all life isn’t perfect, why should my own world be any different?
COMMENTS
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Deity
23:08 Jan 30 2012
I more than like you. I fucking LURVEEEE you. :)
MooniePie
01:33 Jan 31 2012
I have to amend this.
I gave a lot of negative honor today, but it was to one person I'm sick of her dying and coming back to life.
Oh and seeing her on again- off again fucked up relationship. heh.
PAGAN
19:14 Jan 31 2012
Heh.
I'm looking at this honor-thing much the same way. I am delighted with the few people who have stopped by my page because they are people I respect. I couldn't care if I never get any more Honor either because the little that I have means a lot to me.